(This story is from our archives of NextStep Magazine. The Magazine has since been renamed to AIC With You)

My mum was showing signs of dementia when she was 83 years old. She left food cooking on the stove unattended and scattered things around the house. All of a sudden, she couldn’t look after herself; her judgement and safety were suffering. I was worried, because she was the main caregiver for my late sister, who was 62 then and had cerebral palsy and epilepsy. Around the same time, my wife got into a golf accident and was only given five percent chance of walking again. The physiotherapist told me ‘if your wife can move around within the home, you should be very happy’. It was like a double blow to me, but I knew I had to take charge.

STEP BY STEP

Caring for three persons can be overwhelming. I had to make some adjustments, like making the house safe for my mother. There’s not a corner in the house that my mother’s forehead hasn’t met! I limit her physical movements, but she has free reign in activities like eating, reading and watching TV. I also made the difficult decision to place my sister in a nursing home, where she can get necessary care. This allows me to accompany my wife to physiotherapy sessions and medical appointments.

KEEPING IT TOGETHER
 

After my retirement from the Air Force, I pursued my lifelong interest in counselling. I got a Masters in that discipline and became a counsellor. The knowledge and experience helped me understand the importance of self-care. If I don’t look after myself, I can’t look after the rest. I’m still healthy, and I exercise regularly. I would go to MacRitchie Reservoir for regular walks, to get my heart rate up. I also meditate daily, and I would find a quiet spot somewhere to work out challenges in my head, and stump out negative thinking. Lastly, being sociable is important. I would meet up with friends once in a while.

FRANK’S WELL-BEING TIPS
 

Stay Healthy
Take care of your physical health. Make time for walks, even if it’s for 30 minutes, it gets your heart pumping.

Mental Health
Practise mindful meditation. It will help you stay in the present moment, accept and be grateful for who you are.

Spiritual Health
Help others in need. You’d find your problems are smaller than others and be more accepting. Relationship Health Don’t forget your friends and family. Engage in activities and conversations with them.

Relationship Health
Don’t forget your friends and family. Engage in activities and conversations with them.