(This story is from our archives of NextStep Magazine. The Magazine has since been renamed to AIC With You)

Mr Low Siak Hiong once considered a care facility for his elderly mother, because the stress of taking care of her was simply too much to bear. But the tremendous support he received has made him confident he is able to help her age well at home.

Like clockwork, for six months every night, loud bangs jolted Mr Low Siak Hiong from his sleep. This was because his mother, Madam Tan Soy Lek, 93, would strike the floor of her flat with her walking stick, shattering the silence of the night.

“I would immediately run to her side and calm her down till she fell asleep. But she would wake up and start banging her stick again,” says the 66-year-old retiree, who lives in the unit next to his mother’s. Luckily, his neighbours living below his mother’s unit never complained, as they understood that Madam Tan has severe dementia. But Mr Low knew he could not let this go on any longer.

Breaking point

He became Madam Tan’s main caregiver after his sister, who had been looking after the old woman for many years, was unable to continue. “Caring for my mother was extremely stressful at the start,” he admits. “I am a senior myself, so it was not easy for me.”

Fear that she would fall and hurt herself seriously also made him afraid to leave his mother alone. He lost 4kg and developed a sleeping disorder.It was at that point that Mr Low seriously considered allowing his mother to be cared for in a nursing home. “I was at my wit’s end. I felt I wasn’t capable of caring for my mother at home,” he says.

An unexpected source of help

While waiting for a nursing home bed to be available, he turned to some newspaper clippings he kept at home, the result of a hobby of filing away useful information “just in case”. “I like to keep up-to-date with the latest news. Whenever I come across an interesting article or advertisement in the newspapers, I would cut them out and file them away, because they could be useful to me one day,” he explains.

This hobby paid off. The Agency for Integrated Care’s (AIC) stories in the papers stuck in Mr Low’s mind, and he recalled a story that mentioned an eldercare helpline by AIC. Thanks to AIC, Mr Low successfully applied for the Seniors’ Mobility and Enabling Fund (SMF) and received subsidies for a wheelchair, commode, walking stick, push chair, and air pressure relief mattress for his mother.

His mother is also now on the Pioneer Generation Disability Assistance Scheme (PioneerDAS), which provides $100 a month to help Pioneers with disabilities defray their long-term care expenses. More importantly, Mr Low was able to hire a foreign domestic worker to help him care for his mother, by tapping on the Foreign Domestic Worker (FDW) Grant, which subsidised the monthly cost of hiring her.

“Our maid, Wati, is very good and takes care of my mother very well. In fact, my mother has become so attached to her that she would get upset if Wati is out of her sight,” he says. “I am extremely thankful for Wati. She is like family to me.”

So when a bed in the nursing home became available for his mother, Mr Low rejected the offer. “Thanks to the help I received, I am now more confident and reassured that I can care for my mother at home. I am happy she is able to spend her golden years at home where I can care for her as long as I can,” he says.

Every moment is precious

Although his mother does not recognise him anymore, Mr Low is content to just spend time with her while he still can. The old woman often regales her son, whom she calls “brother”, with stories from her past.

On occasion, he would take his mother downstairs for walks. Despite her new attachment to Wati, she feels comfortable outdoors only when Mr Low is with her. “At my mother’s age,” says Mr Low, “every moment with her is precious.”